SHE WAS GONE

Life hangs on a single thread;

I feel completely alone and dead.

Eons upon eons I have bled;

waiting for her was nothing but dread.

God knows for her I have pled;

for she’s the one I wanted to wed.

Looking I saw she was gone...

Looking I saw it was dawn.

She turned out to be so wrong;

for her I could’ve written a song.

My feelings for her are so strong;

yet after we make love the night comes along.

Without her my days are long;

to her I will never belong.

Looking I saw she was gone...

Looking I see I am done.

Her eyes make me crave for more;

feelings are sincere to the core.

Never did I look upon her as a score;

neither was she looked upon as a whore.

Little did I know what for me was in store;
little did I know she set me up to abhor.

Broken my heart feels - soar;

ripped she has left me – tore.

Will I ever recover from this gore?

Will I defeat inside of me... this war?

Where did she go?

Will she again show?

This pain without her is killing me slow;

happy I’d be if her heart to me she’d bestow.

Yet, I know this will never be so,

for together we were never meant to grow.

Looking I saw she was gone...

HIDDEN FROM ME

Hidden from me is the path that leads home; years have I been alone as I roam.  No matter how hard I try to find my way, there is always a sense of pain and dismay.  Run I cannot from this evil that grows in me; must swear this is not how I wanted it to be! 

A hunger grows within my soul; a hunger that kills and takes its toll.  The devil indoor roars as a lion – seeking whom he may devour; God how I wish I could reach my Zion – where colors come from your blooming flower. 

Hidden from me is the path set before...

Hidden from me is the path and the door.

There was a time I believed I was made to smile; memories like those have not surfaced in a while.  My days are filled with darkness and pain; enough to make any man go insane. 

Yes, there are smirks here and there; yet, not enough to remember exactly where.  Void to me are times of fun and glee; only remembrance are my cries and pleas.

Hidden from me are the ways of man...

Hidden from me are the ways of Pan.

Don’t feel sorry for this writer, for all your worrying will not make it any lighter -- nor will your supplications make my days any brighter.  Be assured that soon enough I’ll pull another all-nighter; making my qualms that much the tighter.  In me there used to be the spirit of a fighter; ah... can someone pass me a fucken cigarette lighter?

Hidden from me is the path...

Hidden from me is not God’s wrath.

SOLD MY WORLD

Today I stood at the edge of the abyss; looking back I wish I could give you a last kiss.  Nevertheless demons await my presence at the end of the road; as I approach their darkness --better I think I was with my load.  Yet, today I stand before a congregation of tormentors that live unfurled; you see, they come to accuse me for being a man who sold his world.

At the edge of the cliff I regret selling my world.

At the edge of this cliff I take my jump – selling my world.

Before you go off the deep end judging me with words of steel, think first at what may come your way for such a spiel.  You never know, tomorrow you may be the one these demons come to with such a great appeal.  To whom then will you cry when you find yourself cut to pieces – like a veal?  Do not mistake their interest in you as a sign of joyful zeal; great is the suffering that comes to those that take their ways as an ideal.

Sold My World... to the WHITE WIZARD of DREAMS.

Sold My World... to the WHITE WIZARD of SCREAMS.

The yelling in my head drives me insane; am tired of living in a world filled with black rain.  Trying to reason with these voices is vain; perhaps if I wasn’t so squeamish I would’ve already cut my veins.  Oh babe... forgive my actions of love – they were all set up with feign.  How can I love you when all I feel is pain?  Go, go and forget this man whom is cursed like Cain.

The WHITE WIZARD appears to claim my body; no longer will this curse continue to embody.

Looking down the abyss I jump... for today I have chosen to sell my world.

No longer will I have to live in a slump... for today I have chosen to sell my world.

THE WHITE WIZARD

There’s no doubt I’ve got a bad disease; wonder if I’ll ever find some appease.  Days are dark without any breeze; God if you’re listening I need help – please.  White Wizard seems to hold the only keys; in his hand I can feel my soul freeze.

Insanity does not seem to care for my pleas; sinister desires drag me to levels of low degrees.  In this prison I’ve become a trustee; with all this trust I become a deportee.  Can’t hold on to my cheese; oh geez... here comes the White Wizard to make me his nominee.

White Wizard... fuck.

White Wizard... duck!

Walking the field that conceals leaves me unable to reveal; condemned to death I am left without an appeal!  Continuing this road to me seems to be my ideal; though at the end I must say I no longer feel. 

Have lost all hope of falling head over heels; with love it seems I cannot make a deal.  Some say love is the only one who can close and seal; starving nevertheless I am left without a fucken meal!

White Wizard... are you my only hope?

White Wizard... you are the only way to cope!

Find myself walking down this road once more; this life has been nothing but hell and gore!  Again I am seeking the next score; wonder what will be in store?

White Wizard... I can only see your door.

White Wizard... I must admit you are a chore.

Looking back my tracks disappear; being here before I know what is clear.  Walking I pace down the field that conceals; White Wizard you are the only one that heals my ordeals. 

White Wizard... to you I make my appeals! 

CRASH TEST

Driving up a mountain I speed towards the end; hopes death will come claiming a body that is distend.  Many stand watching with curiosity; little do they know my life has been a monstrosity. 

“A suicide is what it appears to be” says an officer.

“A unified family for him will cry in plea” says a coroner.

Marks all over his body told the tale of a boy who lived in a constant jail.  His nose showed signs of scabs and redness; trails upon his veins described a life void of census.  Yet, none took inventory of why he felt thus; all stood judging – taking this moment as an opportunity to discuss. 

Alone I have suffered throughout all my life; who the fuck are you to come today cutting with a knife?  Don’t stand there thinking better of yourself; in my intoxication I knew you were trying to assert yourself!  Life is nothing more than a crash test; though you may think I failed the quest – I must say, in God’s eyes better was my heart pumping in my inebriated chest.  So, before you fuckers come crying your fake tears to my cremation, let this poem be a sign sent to you as a cessation. 

“He will surely be missed” say the fakers!

“Look at the cuts on his wrist” say the takers!

The taking hands take all they want; they never ask or show signs of daunt.  Accumulation is what they desire and want; in the end it is what kills and haunts. 

A crash test – A crash test...

They’ll die abreast – They’ll die abreast!

Fastening my seatbelt I look toward an ending road; looking forward I do not fear the afterlife as my abode.  Come what may come I am ready to take my leave; those who truly love me do not be taken by grieve.  Know that in the next sphere I will await for you; until then I bid you all a farewell - an adieu!

Crash test...

Today I go west.

FAMILIAR GROUND

Sit contemplating my surroundings; find myself lost – it’s confounding to live with one foot in the air, one foot on the ground.  All seems to be fair; suddenly I start to drown.  Though I am nervous I know this familiar sound; seems I must have drifted to familiar ground. 

Rough night has dawned upon me again; worms once more dine upon my decaying brain.  Downer always seems to eat me alive; wonder if tonight is another blessing I will survive? 

Monsters screaming in the night know my name; by now this routine to me should feel lame.  Yet, I persist to visit the valley of darkness; my reward is a week full hardship and sadness.  Find myself wondering where is my mind?  My dear reader I know I’m walking blind. 

It’s familiar ground...

Don’t want to be found.

Hands are tied to the bed post; nurses continually enter to assure they’re my host.  A lunatic screams in the hall!  Is there someone beyond the wall?  A lullaby vibrates my bed; must be the ranting in my head. 

Will I die in familiar ground?

Will I ever hate this sound?

With one foot on the air I sing; with one foot on the ground I cry.  Never will I be free from this thing; this is where I come to die.

Life feels so undefined.

Life in me is disinclined.

With one foot in the air I walk familiar ground; with one foot on the ground I inevitably drown.  Am left alone in both worlds; choice must be made where to live.  In the valley of death I can’t feel unfurled; guess I choose intoxication – for to me it will never misgive.

Walking I head again tonight toward familiar ground.

HAVE SEEN MY FUTURE

Locked up in a brain that never ceases to hurt; walking I drag myself through thoughts of filth and dirt.  Incarcerated wars rage on as I shoot my gun; exonerated I live in a sky that has no sun.  Only justice in me is the notion of being a son; still continuing on I pace this road alone – at my side none.

Asylums in my head institutionalize the boy I once was; no one said I must watch out for the fine print clause.  With my feet on the ground I strain with no surprise; can’t deny snorting allows me the strength to open my eyes.  Many love to judge from their fiery seats of hell; don’t worry – one day the real Judge will come and ring your bell. 

Released and incorporated brought devastation to the innocence I once was; unbeknownst to my soul was I to the danger that quickly draws.  Running I wanted to hide from the monsters that called out to me; alone in world I have to live without having the ability to be – without sight I have to walk a dark road without being able to see.  This has been the card dealt to me; a card that only assures a life full of sorrow and no glee.  Yet, I will survive this treacherous path which has been set by thee; know that my strength shall rise from the ashes without regret – trouble-free!

Though I live a life which has been incriminated there is no doubt that I will not be eliminated.  Having sailed through the roughest seas I have seen what comes and is to be.  Some may want my head in a silver platter, but trust me – even if I died like John the Baptist it shall not matter!  So, go – go and sing your praises of judgment and hate, for in my days shall you see me succeeding in the hand of fate.

Have seen my future... and it holds the key.

Have seen my future... and it cries out to me.

Forever shall I thrive under the mighty hand that protects; all that wish me ill shall be the ones I will reject.  Your bitter ends shall be something I will expect... for I have seen my future and it comes with great effects!

FEET IN THE AIR

Sparking a joint I walked across the deep dark Bering Sea;

feet did not get wet as I strolled along this path worry free. 

Fierce creatures of the bottomless sea looked up at me;

laughing I exhaled a cloud from this wicked-ass-crip-tree.

Eyes red as sin I continued my stride toward a beached whale; though my pace seemed fast I approached slow as a fucken snail.

Gasping for air she bellowed out a loud deafening hail;

she asked if I could help her escape this forsaken sandy jail.

Pushing hard upon her nose gave way to a shrieking yelp;

mind raced off wondering if I should prolong any help.

Luckily from the distance I saw Franklin Roosevelt;

I asked him if he would mind moving this mammoth sized welt;

unfortunately he had to go meet Eleanor Roosevelt!

Jim Morrison sauntered by and said I was killing his buzz;

paranoid he looked around to see if there was any fuzz.

Reluctantly he agreed to push – that’s how the day ‘twas.

Setting the whale free we smoked a joint – he swore I was his cuz.

As Jim walked away I noticed his feet were naked and bare;

watching his freedom I decided on my feet nothing wear.

From that day forward I must be honest and to you swear,

that my greatest joy comes when I walk with my feet in the air.

THERE'S A PAIN

Sitting in a car I watch the scenery go by; there’s a place in my heart where all I could remember are lies.  A reel plays continually in my mind; I try hard to stop it from going into rewind. 

Images send me twirling into desperation; crying I awake from my dreams in hibernation – wish I could find some kind of sedation that’ll numb away all this fucking damnation.  Tears cannot drown all the years of infiltration; words mocking me scream from the outer walls their constant condemnation.  At times I see a light at the end of the tunnel - I suffer reaching her because of my expected hesitation.  At night a nightingale sings to me of the freedoms seen beyond the walls of isolation – “come, come to us and live amoung the stars freed in the spectrum of unification.”  Still - I cannot arrive to those seen in the heavens singing of their autonomy and sanctification.

There’s a pain that jolts me into duress; there’s a sting in my heart which I cannot suppress.  Wanting I seek for a field of flowers – yet I find no success.  Long seems to me the walk reaching toward peace and progress; yet, who am I to make my abode in such a state of tranquility and caress?  Must admit that in me lives the want to sing and bless; nevertheless there is a darkness that strides to take and stress.

There’s a pain that drives me insane - an ax that cuts me down to the grain.  Do not know how much time I have left to remain; only pray that soon I may be able to break this chain.  God knows I cannot withstand this mental drain; soon there will be nothing left to explain.  Walking this world I am bearing the mark of Cain; time comes to an end as I stand in this dreadful hurricane. 

There’s a pain in my soul... an unrelenting pain.

There’s a pain in my soul... pass the mirror – time has come to anesthetize this brain.

A CAGED SOUL

Am living in an age which loves to call darkness bright; I tire amoung the crowds who exorcize my life from the light.  Walking in this terror filled with horror and fright leaves me screaming in the night without any sight.  My soul lives in constant fear and self-doubt; this agony within keeps me stranded in a cage of drought.

This fear keeps me moving through an unwavering hell; my strength fails as I try to run and yell.  No one stands in the midst for us who dare to tell; here shall we remain in this God forsaken cell.

Chemicals rush up my veins; oh yea, now I feel the ax cutting at the grains – rushing warmth allows me to see my subsiding pains.  This drug keeps taking from me; how it drains; fuckers stand at the brink judging from their freshly painted plains.  Those standing next to me keep talking – never learning how to refrain! Those evaluating stand next to me, wondering if I’ll ever be able to regain. 

My body weakens in an age whose name I do not know; they speak cruel hurting words - cold like the icing snow.  They rather kill with their expressions instead of sew; abandon without growth instead of helping one grow. 

Running we’re left... we who are a caged soul.

Crying we’re left... we who have no self-control.

Set me free from your inflicting eyes and thoughts, for your hate and envy shall surely lead you to naught.  Yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I know it is I you always came and sought.  You can’t hide behind your judgments and think that you fought; fuck you – nothing till this day do you have as proof you wrought!!!  Laughing I know that you shall die and stink up the ground as you rot.  Me... I sang my tune for all to hear as I taught; me... I gave with my voice to all those I called and begot.

A caged soul was I... yay A CAGED SOUL.

This is my dedication to AMY WINEHOUSE; the baddest bitch

that ever lived.  Amy you are a Queen in my heart and soul; you

will be greatly missed.

-by-

Nathan Immanuel

PAY THE PIPER

Time has lapsed between you and I; your end has come, today shall thy stand before my all seeing eye.  Contract has expired; tonight shall I come for what is required. 

Your treaty stands null and void; all my fury upon thee shall now be employed.  Destruction and death thou shall not avoid; in thy screams of pain I shall be overjoyed!

In thy taking from me thou knew what was to be.  Thy debt to me was one I easily did foresee; the chastisement upon your back shall I personally oversee.  Cry, go cry to the gods of the north, for in all thy doing shall no mercy come forth.  Did thou not hear that to me no contract should be signed or decreed?  Did not thou hear that my soul is filled with hatred and greed?  Drowning shall your ears be to the sound of my whip of beads; a whip silenced only by the shriek of those that bleed.  The Pied Piper cometh lacking love and mercy in every degree – he cometh as the Master of your soul and your Payee.

Hiding shall avail thee no good; remember that from the beginning of time none ever could.  Preparing thine house is the only thing thou should; being in thy sandals, this is what I surely would.  Kiss thy brethren goodbye -- go, go embrace thy daughter goodbye; when I arrive allow them not at your side to stand by.  Horror shall be thine anguish and pain in their sight; spare them, spare their eyes of such terror and fright.  Tonight cometh the Pied Piper and his blow shall be mightier than a venomous Viper. 

Take heed to my warning; forsake not my words – for thou shall not live to see this morning.

Take heed to my warning; forsake not my words – for from this night on thou shall live in mourning.

Great and mighty are my steps upon the earth; magnificence and splendor I have been since birth.  Shadows follow chained at my feet to and fro – many belonging to those I have taken down below.  My name is the PIED PIPER and time has come to PAY THE PIPER!

FALL IN LOVE AGAIN

For so long love has been absent from my life; for so long all hope in me has disappeared for a wife.  Nights come without having a shoulder to cry on; everything I am inside seems to come undone. 

Oceans of pain stir inside my heart; my love why dost thou stay away –- so apart?  Growing old brings a chill to my bone; tonight feels like a bad winter storm has blown. 

Will the sun come up on a warm morning? 

Will love ever come and quench my mourning? 

Maybe the walls in my head will tumble; with love’s embrace this barricade will crumble.  How I desire to fall in love again; dear God – how I wish to not feel all-pain. 

Crowds constantly surround me in the streets; smiling they offer their facades and fake greets.  This agony that abides blinds me day by day; this anguish inside brings with it the hand of slay. 

Every moment without you love - is a moment that I am slaughtered like a dove.  My body grows weary of them that shove; seems everyone is only seeking to get higher above. 

When will I fall in love again?

When will I no longer feel insane?

All this time away is killing me within; all this loneliness must stop residing herein.  Will someone tell me can love consist therein – or is love a myth – something fallen to the has-been?

...I want to live only to hold you once more

...I want to live like those that by you swore.

Let me have love -- attain.

Let me fall in love -- again...

SAILING BACK TO YOU

Rushing waves send me sailing back to you; quickening waters cannot stop me from looking toward your view.  If I was to die in these waters without you, know that I would surely feel sore and blue.  For eons upon eons I have searched for thee my dear; for years upon years I have cried blood silk tears – yet, knowing you wait allows me to navigate without fear.

Sailing back to you is how I spend my days; ailing without you is how I live at night.  Thought my eyes had lost its sight; yet I find myself swimming these waters without fright.  Sharks circle my body as it sails back to you... God, I hope there’s someone praying for me at your pew.  There’s no doubt I will forever fight –- for you I’ll always strive to make the flight!  None can hold me back from getting there, even if for me awaits an evil snare.  No matter how much tribulation life brings; no matter how bad life throws bad things... know that I will always be guarding at your wings!

Want you to know that I’m always thinking of you; in my life the winds of time have come and blew.  Nothing is left today for me to show, but a passion which desires to love and grow.  Hope you can look upon this single act of love, as a sign that you’re my everlasting dove. 

Wish things could be different between you and I; wish one day you can look upon me with a singular eye.  Walking this path alone breaks me through and through –- if you were here my pains to you would easily subdue.   

Sailing back to you...

Sailing back to you will be my only life, until I see you at my side as my beloved wife.

LESS COLOR WITHOUT YOU

Less color without you is the curse I live with; darkened rainbows are not fairy tales or myths.  A world missing you means damnation to hell; just to have you I would all my being sell.  Loving you warms my arctic heart; museums post walls filled with black art... for less color without you is my blight.  Dying I would gladly place myself in a fight... for you.  Do not care if for thee I had to slew.

Less color without you... is the world I live in.

Less color without you... is my world –- my inn.

Planetary stars circle the universe showing a glimmer of hope in the night; interplanetary travel would I take for a mere glimmer of your sight.  Oceans envy the blue of your eyes as they shine amoung the mortal; motions are felt in the deepened hearts of the immortal –- for you quicken even the deadest dead.  Your smile possesses a peace that brings tranquility to those that bled and their tears shed.  Plenty of people pass you by, never knowing the array of beauty contained within.  Many orphans stop their cry, never knowing it was your peace which in them resided therein.  At your side it is easy to feel loved; impossible would one at your side feel unloved. 

Less color without you... is no longer the way I wish to be.

Less color without you... is no longer how my eyes wish to see.

My soul hungers and aches for a touch from your lips; cascading to the moon I will be if from your cup I am allowed to take sips. Deprive not from my side your everlasting existence; cannot you see pain is mine if you are far in the distance?  Come; quench this ache which kills in me every possible resistance –- know that until that day I shall forever continue my persistence.  My cherished; know that none can see you like I do, for to me you are treasured above the morning dew –- which feeds the grass upon the earth before it’s hew.

Less color without you...

Less color without you is not how I wish to exist. 

THE PIED PIPER

Got the words to make you flow

all my writs make you think;

you stay stuck –- you can’t grow

my appearance puts you on a brink!

My name is the Pied Piper;

time has come to pay your dues!

Venom kills from the sting of the viper

today is the end of your cruise!

All you mofo’s cry at my writ;

because it exposes what will be.

You’re curiosity seems to never quit

who’s been asking about me?

The Piper cometh without compassion;

time has come to pay the Piper.

Mercy has never been his fashion;

now’s the time to wear your diaper.

MOON WILL CHANGE MY MIND

Shadows move in the dark; singing is a sinister lark.  Vampyres lurk in corners waiting for a taste; running my fear sends me into a haste.  Blood drips from my arms; razors cut the skin as they slice –- harms.  Scared I am of what the morning brings; like a puppet in a play -- led I am by strings.  Pressing behind me are devils; down I sink unto per versed levels.  Tumbling am I into darkened-veils!

Screaming I squirm –- moon will change my mind.

Dreaming I affirm –- moon will change my mind.

Bitten I rise as a creature of thee, oh night.  Kitten hisses at thee, creature cast from the light.  Chants wish for me to stay out of sight; songs dedicate my soul toward an everlasting fright.  Oh sweet child of mine, where wilt thou hide from what thou will write?  Can’t you see that your writs make you either wrong or right?  Do not cast your pearls before the swine; words around my neck chock –- entwine!

Crying I know the moon will change my mind.

Dying I know the moon will change my mind.

To me has been my long lost blue; in the winds of gray came the storm and blew. Regret eats at me day to day; repentance has not allowed me to say –- say!  Hands strangle from within my voice; I must admit this is an interrupted choice! 

All the nights will not make up for the wrong; still I believe the moon will change my mind.

Dressed in whites will not extend –- prolong; still I believe the moon will change my mind.

Slipping am I through the cracks in the hall; screaming am I trapped within a minds wall!  Dripping blood persists; hungry demons will continue their evil insists.

In agony I know the moon will change my mind.

Angrily I have to believe, the moon will change my mind.         

VENESSA SOMETIMES

At night she crawls under her skin; she looks for the girl but cannot find.  At night she falls for her twin; she looks for an end -- cannot cease the grind.  World crashes down on her; so many different games.  World bashes down on her; flashes shout so many different frames. 

Lays in bed scared –- Venessa sometimes.

Gaze is impaired –- Venessa sometimes.

So far away hope exists; her desires are overshadowed by what consists. 

She says within herself that I am close; dreaming she looks upon me with expressions of love.  Her love for me continually grows; only in her thoughts can I live above.  Venessa sometimes comes to me at night; in her imaginings she appears great and bright.  All the people in her life cease; she tires from the endless charades and glares.  In her heart I persistently increase; around her many to my presence are in unawares. 

Cries in bed alone –- Venessa sometimes.

Lies of me cannot postpone –- Venessa sometimes.

Expressionless skies will not cover her fear and doubt.  Aloneness dies only in a tomb filled with sand and drought.  Come to me Venessa sometimes... come and allow my love to flourish for you.  Know I’ll love you at all-times; know I’ll pray for you kneeled at a pew. 

Change not your soul toward me; allow me the opportunity to

live –- be.  In pain you sleep at dawn; looking to the ceiling you cry in vain.  Promise my heart is for thee; always possessed I stood –- slashing my veins. 

Crying -- crying Venessa sometimes.

Lying –- lying I won’t Venessa sometimes.

SAVE ME

Like a record spinning, life keeps me in my past whirling.  Soul is thinning; dying I stand alone -- twirling.  Mind loves sinning; depravity has got me swirling.

Sinking I am; God please come save me.

Drinking I am as thoughts of history enslaves me.

People stare from the outside –- they look in.  People judge from the outside; they never look in.  This world has me in rapid motion; frozen I am in time without voicing a notion.  My spirit wishes for some devotion; my lust enjoys life’s love potion.

Inner wars rage from within for my sanity; none care if I lose this battle to insanity.  Passersby flash their vanity, eating lies baked from pies of profanity.  Caught up in this shit storm I can’t help but scream –- shit!  In this game of chance I can’t foresee a win –- I admit.  Can’t think of one reason from which I would not want from this world –- split.  Am scared there is nothing left in me to recommit; am sick of diseased people who only care to transmit –- seeking only who they may devour or submit. 

Wonder -- do I ever really miss my childhood? 

Wonder –- do I ever really enjoy my manhood?

Future seems so uncertain; feels like the show is about to drop the curtain.  As an Edward I must live in my own dark spawn of Tim Burton.  Like a warrior I die a losing war in my own dark spawn of Spartan. 

Fantasies in my head always throw me a lifeline; remains to be the only place where I can safely escape the pipeline.  Soaring high above the skyline I face the inevitable doom which comes to conclude my timeline.  Intoxicated I shall stand at the sideline; stand and watch as I have come to the end of my line.

My hope –- that someone may come to love me.

My hope –- that someone may come to save me.